How to work with an extrovert

To work with an extrovert, give them quick chances to talk ideas through, set clear signals for when you need to focus, and use their energy where people and momentum matter. They tend to think by speaking and to come alive around others. Most friction comes down to timing, and that's easy to fix once you've both named it.

"Got a sec?"

It's never a sec. Your colleague Kate wanders over at 10.15 with a thought about the campaign. It's a good thought. Twenty minutes later, you've solved two problems, heard about her weekend and lost your place in the spreadsheet. If you're an introvert, that might leave you drained. If you're not, you've possibly just had your favourite part of the day.

An extrovert often isn't asking for your opinion so much as a sounding board. Her thinking gets clearer as she says it out loud. To her, a chat isn't an interruption of the work. It is the work.

Deals you can strike

These are simple arrangements that keep both people happy. Offer them with a smile.

The headphones rule. "When I've got headphones on, I'm deep in something. Message me, and I'll come find you at the next break." You'll need to actually come find them, or the deal collapses.

The office hour. "I'm all yours from 2 to 2.30, bring me everything." Saving up their ideas for you may be easier than you think, particularly if they know the time is coming.

The thinking walk. Instead of six separate drop-ins, take one lap around the block together. They get their talk, you get air, and you both return with a decision.

The two-question filter. When they arrive with a new idea, ask: "Do you need a decision from me, or are you thinking out loud?" If it's the latter, you can listen for a few minutes without feeling responsible for the outcome.

In meetings

They often speak first and speak most. That isn't necessarily an attempt to dominate. It's how their brain gets moving. Yet it does tend to anchor the discussion, so if you want your own point heard, don't wait for a polite gap, because it may never come. Try saying "I want to come back to something," or put your view in writing before the meeting. They usually don't mind being interrupted, and they may not realise you've been waiting.

You can also use them. Is the room flat? Do you need someone to get a discussion going, or to warm up a difficult audience? Have a quiet word first: "Can you kick us off on Thursday, and then ask Theo what he thinks? He's done the analysis but won't jump in by himself."

Remote and hybrid days

Long stretches at home can be hard going for very social people. Your colleague's flood of chat messages might be a way of getting back some of the daily contact they lost. Five minutes on a call, with no agenda, might save you thirty messages. If you're the quieter person, try suggesting it before you get flooded:

"Want to do a quick call at 11 and run through all this in one go? I'd rather hear it from you, and then I can get my head down for the afternoon."

When you've had enough

You're allowed to end a conversation, and it doesn't need to be a big deal. Honest and friendly works best:

"I've really got to finish this before lunch, so I'm going to tune out now. Can you tell me the rest at 12.30? I want to hear how it ended."

Extroverts generally don't take this badly. Being clear is much kinder than offering one-word answers and hoping they'll notice, because they might not. Subtle hints tend to get lost.

What you get from them

You may not have realised how much of your working life they keep oiled. They know who to call in finance. They'll get you the introduction you need. They might notice that it's somebody's last day and organise the card. They can walk into a tense client meeting and leave everyone laughing. And when you've done something good, they're quite likely to tell everyone about it. Quiet workers often gain a great deal from a talkative ally.

So pass that favour back. Your careful review of their proposal, or your calm read of a situation, might be just what they need. A pairing like this can cover a lot of ground, as long as each of you respects how the other one operates.

Other views of this trait

Extroverts at home are the subject of how to date an extrovert, and at family gatherings, of how to get along with an extroverted sibling. Someone who seems outgoing on Monday and needs quiet by Wednesday may be better described in how to work with an ambivert.

Your colleagues have preferences that they'd be glad to share. Get a Field Guide written for the people in your life.

Curious about what's behind your own reaction to the "got a sec" question? The Social Energy Expedition has an answer.