How to work with an introvert

The best way to work with an introvert is to share information ahead of time, offer ways to contribute besides speaking on the spot, and respect their blocks of focused time. Introverts often do their best thinking before they talk. Set things up for this, and you'll get a lot of considered ideas you might have otherwise missed.

Tuning a normal workday

Picture a working day with Sione, a thoughtful engineer on your project. Small adjustments across the day can make a difference.

Morning: leave the focus alone

You could walk over with a question at 9.30. He'll answer it politely, and it may cost him twenty minutes to get back into what he was doing. If it can wait, drop him a message and let him answer when he's ready. If you need him for a while, book it. A team-wide quiet block, even just an hour each morning, can help a lot of people besides him.

Midday: don't assume lunch is optional

For some introverts, a busy day's lunch hour alone is what keeps the afternoon possible. If he goes for a walk alone, he's not snubbing the team. An occasional invite is still welcome, and he'll tell you if it's not a good day.

Afternoon: the meeting

Here's where most of the value gets lost. In a fast-moving discussion, people who think out loud get all the air. Your introverted colleague may still be weighing up point one when the group has moved on to point four.

Some simple fixes:

• Send the agenda and the key question beforehand. "We're deciding between vendors A and B. I'd love your view on the risk." That's all the prep they need.
• Ask in a specific way. "Sione, you looked at the architecture last week. What did you see?" works better than a general "Any thoughts?"
• Keep a follow-up channel open. "Send me anything else that occurs to you by tomorrow lunchtime." Then treat what arrives as seriously as anything said in the room.

Late afternoon: the group activity

An impromptu Friday trust exercise might be a little painful for some. If you're the one organising, give people some warning and a way to participate on their own terms. Not everyone needs to share their "fun fact". If introverts are in the mix, a shared table for a task may work better than a circle of chairs.

Talking to them about their ideas

Don't take it as a lack of commitment if they don't react straight away. Saying, "Let me think about that and come back to you," is often them taking you seriously. Agree on a time, and they will almost certainly deliver.

If you would like them to speak up more, tell them why, and ask what would help:

"Your written comments on the proposal changed how I saw the whole thing, and most of the team didn't see them. I'd love more people to get that. Would it help if I asked you to speak to one specific point at Thursday's meeting, and gave you the heads-up on Wednesday?"

That's a real request. It's also respectful of the way they work.

Working in pairs

One-on-one is where many introverts shine. If you want a strong working relationship, a regular coffee or a walking catch-up can do more than a dozen team meetings. They may open up there in ways that you'd never see in a room of eight. And some people prefer a shared document and a few good messages to any meeting at all. So ask. "What's the best way to get your input on these?" is a five-second question that many people rarely get asked.

What not to say

"You're so quiet!" is not helpful. You probably mean it in a friendly way, but they've heard it their whole life, and there's no good answer. "Cheer up!" and "We need more energy from you" probably won't land either. Try something more useful: "I liked what you said about the timing. Tell me more."

Where they add the most

Careful analysis, thoughtful writing, deep expertise and listening to clients are all areas where a quieter style can excel. They may also make the room better just by being someone who doesn't need to win it. Plenty of them lead well too, and we talk about that in how to manage an introvert.

For life beyond the office, there's how to date an introvert. If you have noticed these traits appearing early in your own kid, how to parent an introverted child is a good next stop.

Ask your colleagues how they'd like to be approached, and save everyone some awkwardness. Get a Field Guide written for the people in your life.

Do meetings fill you up or wear you out? The Social Energy Expedition will show you where you land.